He Was Afraid of Love

Too many years,
Too many trys,
Too many frowns,
Too many crys...

He said it once,
Forever in his heart,
He should have known better,
He didn't feel it in the start.

Pursued at first,
Nothing intended,
Weary of her,
Eventually relented.

The calendar flips,
Still with this girl,
Slowly but surely,
Making her his world.

Breakups,
Rebounds,
A messy affair,

Cheating,
Lies,
Though an engagement prepared

Then on a night,
Things in despair,
Across the way she cheated,
Threw away the care.

Left for a reason,
Ironically wrong,
Accused of no commitment,
After 2 years so long

Too late to share,
Too late to show,
Too late to ask,
Because my answer...was no


He said it again,
After a date at a wedding,
Staring in her eyes,
laying in her bedding.

Perhaps it was the day,
Perhaps it was the yearning,
Perhaps it was hopeful,
But no love was burning,

Three years wasted,
A baker's dozen of others,
Given an ultimatum,
Which was that of her mother's.

Pressure mounting,
Lust, wasn't love,
Moved on from our comfort,
The cloud hanging above

Commitment is real,
He's been ready to have it,
He couldn't see her,
As a rest of his life, habit.


Another woman,
Another decree,
Marred in a depression,
As deep as could be,

She wasn't terrible,
She made him feel better,
In the end, due to it all,
They couldn't be together,

He uttered his love,
In a drunken haze,
Here we go again,
This emotional phase.

He shocked her,
Confounded her,
Threw her for a loop.

In the end she'd never get there,
She'd never feel the same,
To many emotional hoops.

Once again,
After a two year break,
To another,
He'd declare a mistake,

Fear of loss,
Fear of drowning,
He didn't mean it,
A bandage for frowning.

He moved on,
She simply couldn't
He had made this mistake,
He knew that he shouldn't

He flew away,
With sadness in his wake,
How dare this man,
Let this heart break,

He moved on,
Not ignorant to his choice,
The more he reflected,
The more he'd sound his voice

I'm so sorry,
I apologize,
He uttered with repent

He felt so much guilt,
He hated himself,
For all of the wasted time, she had spent


Six years later,
His ultimate confession,
Not to anyone else,
His inward impressions.

She came to his life,
Simply untouchable,
Her endless pursuit,
His curiosity uncomfortable,

Eight months later,
On a difficult day,
She called him that morning,
They were parting ways,

Her heartless demeanor,
His heartful rebuttal,
His lengthy reprieve,
Her vision so tunnel

Two more months,
A reunion she wanted,
Two more months,
He'd been ever so haunted.

He'd moved on,
A life he'd desired,
The beginning of this,
She was determined to mire.

A last ditch effort,
He was so confused,
In desperation,
Those three words he used.

Perhaps it was the past,
His former disappointment,
Now using something so sacred,
As relationship ointment

She disappeared,
Said there's another,
She had the audacity,
To move on to his brother.

Devastation,
Frustration,
A desire to be alone.

Depression,
Regression,
For love he had not know.


Four years later,
Ten without true commitment,
She wandered in,
He received an emotional shipment

Feelings of memories,
Memories of feelings,
He didn't know why,
His heart, and head were constantly reeling

He suddenly wanted,
With his feelings matching,
He had so many thoughts,
More emotions were hatching.

For many these feelings,
Would cause them to be happy,
Enjoy giving gifts,
Enjoy being sappy,

Memories hit him,
Failures remembered,
Those emotions he found,
He quickly dismembered,

Scared of his heart,
Scared of his emotions,
Sacred of losing,
Fear as vast as the ocean.

Excuses,
Statements,
Seeking validation

He was afraid of these emotions
Upon their creation.

Goodbyes were said,
Sadness ensued,
Victory was his!
Emotions subdued.

Emotions not gone,
Seldom forgotten,
Emotional sabotage,
His heart feeling rotten,

Not for the habit,
He most frequently had,
Realizing he was wrong,
With lies remembered making him sad

Instead it was regret,
For emotions that blossomed,
They matched what he felt,
Differently awesome.

Fake emotions,
Easy to forget,
Real emotions,
Why aren't they gone yet?

Real emotions,
Snowballed their way,
Real emotions,
He'd refuse to say.

While he wouldn't label them,
He knew they could become,
The very emotions,
He'd never overcome

He realized they'd started,
Much longer ago,
He realized his emotions,
In his eyes they did show

He knew if he'd be calm,
Settle anxious mentality,
That ill fated word,
Would be his reality.

Though he sabotaged himself,
A skill that fit like a glove,
He knew in his heart,
He was afraid of love.